I just finished my Year 1 final exam yesterday, and I now know why people say that in med school you have to make sure you "don't play-play!", or at least not too much anyway. Before the exam I had 3 weeks of study break, and I went back home for that. I spent most of the study break doing anything but studying. I acted as though I was on holiday rather than on study break!
Mummy and daddy, and even koko (when he came home for the weekend) were obviously worried. Mummy started to half-nag because she couldn't not nag but at the same time I respond poorly to being nagged at. Daddy started showing subtle signs that I really should be studying more, making sure he turned the TV off when I was around and sticking around in the living room to teman me and keep an eye on me. Even Koko, when he was back for the weekend, went "Girlieeee....." a couple of times when he saw me on my laptop, doing things that have absolutely nothing to do with my studies.
Towards the last few days of my study break, the panic kicked in a bit. I saw the big A4 paper box full of my notes, sitting there, untouched, and I went "oh no oh no I have to study all of that?"
I started trying to work hard, but I needed time to build up my momentum. I was working so slowly between worrying about the big pile of notes I had to study, and how little time I had left, and there were so many doubts in my mind.
I thank God for a wonderful family, though. Mummy and daddy and our night-time family prayers always helped calm my nerves and served as a good reminder every night that our God is great and mighty, and He is in control. Niko was having his exams at around the same time as well, so we all had to keep praying for him as well as for me. Niko, though all the way across the globe, never forgot about his little sister here. And koko, though busy with work in Singapore, made sure I could contact him any time I needed to ask any questions. He stayed up to make sure I asked him whatever I needed to, and then left his Skype on so I could contact him in the middle of the night if I needed to, even if he was on call the next day. Mummy and daddy made sure I had everything I needed while I was studying. They rearranged their whole time schedule, everything, to accommodate me. They insisted they brought me up to KL on Sunday, and even came and cleaned up my room here for me, just so I could spend that extra time studying.
God is faithful. Between Niko and I, his exams and mine, we probably made mummy's blood pressure shoot up sky high. But He gave mummy (and through her, us) confirmations that He was in control, that nothing is impossible for Him.
Sunday night, the night before my first paper, I still had easily half my notes (probably more) left untouched. I went to bed quite early, thinking, "aiya, no need to study so much lah. God is in control, no need to study so hard lah!" The next day, I went into the exam and it shook me a little. A lot of questions asked, I didn't even know where they came from, what they meant, that they were even in my syllables! I left the exam hall in a weird mood.
I came back to my room and sat down, slightly deflated and grasping for whatever shred of hope I could squeeze out, a bit dazed and praying so hard, and wondering what had just happened. God is loving. That day itself, He sent good Christian friends in the form of Ruby and Ann, to remind me that He placed me here for a reason, and He didn't place me here alone. I am here for a reason, He choose this place for me for a reason, He will lead me through.
Mummy and daddy had already sent out prayer requests to so many other people, for me for my exam. I got some peace of mind knowing that and being reminded that I was placed here for a reason. I prayed for wisdom and the Holy Spirit prompted me and I studied all the weird things, considering the fact that everyone said that Microbiology was important for Tuesday's paper, and there I was studying everything but microbiology, since it was one of the parts I had never touched before, not even earlier in my year, and I knew it would take a long, long time to be able to understand anything related to microbiology.
In Tuesday's paper, I don't think any microbiology questions were asked at all! Everybody had studied and memorised bacteria names, parasite names, all the names and everything related, and there the questions were, nothing to do with microbiology. God is good. He showed me and reminded me that He listens and He understands, and He can do anything.
I had my last paper on Wednesday, and that was the paper that would cover the most things. I didn't really know where to start studying from, whether to study those I had never touched before, or to reread those I had already read, or to flip through those I though might know a little bit about what they were about. God makes possible whatever we think is impossible. Mummy and daddy had to go into Singapore for a visa run for our trip to Canada for Niko's graduation, and they were already there when they realised they left something at home, and they needed it to get our visas done. So in the middle of the night, they had to rush right home to BP, grab the stuff, and rush back into Singapore because the Canadian embassy is only open during a certain time in the day. Mummy and daddy made it back to BP and then back to Singapore in record time, and the visas are all good to go now.
Wednesday marked my last paper, and God was with me, as He was with me throughout my exam. I came out of the exam hall, slightly relieved that it was over, but not totally so because there was a viva voce exam for those people with borderline failing scores. I knew in my heart that God was in control, but off and on I found myself mentally preparing myself for the viva voce. That evening, the list of student that had to go the next day (I just realised the "next day" means today!) came out and THANK YOU, LORD! I wasn't in it.
But then people started saying that apparently there were people who failed. Clear-cut failed so they weren't involved in the viva voce. I didn't know what to feel. When I called mummy to tell her about me not being called for the viva voce, she sensed (mummy does that really well when it comes to her children) that I was afraid I was in the list of students who failed. She reminded me that we serve a great God, and He will see me through, and it was all in God's hands already. Mummy sounded so confident that I had already passed that I too wanted to believe it was true.
It really was all in God's hands. I prayed that He would grant me favour, and I prayed that all would go well. At some times, though, I could feel the doubt creeping in, but my God is a God of miracles. He once again spoke to mummy (and again, through her, me) through her quiet time, reminding her that He is a powerful God, the God of all miracles. The passage was John 6:1-15, and mummy shared it with me this morning when I woke up and called her.
At one point, she mentioned, "Don't worry, our God is a God of miracles. I am confident that you have already passed." Mummy was right. Mummy is always right! The results came out later today and I PASSED! I double-checked and triple-checked and was shaking when I called mummy to tell her the news. I kept going, "thankyoulord thankyoulord thankyoulord thankyoulord" and you know what? It really is Him that I have to thank for bring me through my first year of medical school.
I was totally unprepared for the exam, I should have failed and I would have failed had it been by my own strength. But God picked me up and carried me through my exam. He reminded me that yes, He is great and almighty, and nothing is impossible for Him. He reminded me that hey, He placed me here for a reason and He wants to keep me here. And He also reminded me that WEI! WAKE UP LAH! Start acting like you're a medical student lah please!
My God is just so cool lah :)
God reassured me over and over again through various people, various ways, that He is in control and He is faithful and merciful. He has blessed me so much, so very much more than what I deserve, than what I can ever hope for. He has never let me down, He has always been there for me, showing me that I am His precious daughter, that His grace is more than sufficient, that what had been done on the cross is more than enough.
Thank You, Lord, for mummy, who was probably the person who kept me sane throughout my exam, asking me to study and to rest when I needed to, and keeping up with my worries and ramblings and sharing what You have told her to me. Mummy, I love you so much!
Thank You, Lord, for daddy, who was always there in the background, quietly giving me all the silent support I needed (and sacrificing his TV time for me), and praying for on the phone before every paper. His words of blessings really reassured me in Your faithfulness. Daddy, I love you so much!
Thank You, Lord, for koko, who called me every now and again all the way from Singapore, to check up on me and to make sure I was okay, and to answer whatever questions I might have needed to ask him, and not going "I told you so" for not starting to study earlier, but instead, offered all the help he could give. Koko, I love you so much!
Thank You, Lord, for niko, who kept me in prayers and who fought alongside me even though he is all the way in Canada. His SMS that came all the way from Canada was a really good reminder that You were with me. Niko, I love you so much!
Thank You, Lord, for all the other people you have sent my way to remind me that we all have been placed here by You, for You.
Thank You, Lord, for being the best thing that have ever happened to me, and for never leaving me, and for always reminding me of all your goodness.
My results? Completely by God's grace. I didn't deserve it, I shouldn't have gotten it, but God gave me a passing grade anyways, just because I am His daughter and He loves me so, so, so much. Why are those
Verse of the day (shared by daddy):
I lift up my eyes to the mountains-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2
God is good. He will never leave you nor forsake you, and all He asks of you is to believe.
Thank You, Father :)
